Create in me.

My thoughts are swirling swiftly about as I hurriedly type this post. Life is about changes. I know this. Yet, sometimes life's changes catch me so off guard, I almost feel winded. Changes are often a reflection of the lessons God is trying to walk us through. I know this, too. I also know that sometimes the changes that we endure are completely unseen.

That is where I find myself. In one part of my life, God has led me to let go of some of the people in my past. Unbeknownst to me, these people had a death grip on my life. It wasn't until they were released from that place that the penetration became evident. I believe God did this in order to prepare me for the next steps in his path for me. We have to let down the walls before we can seize the city.

As I slowly began releasing these people from my heart, I began to see life with different eyes. It is almost as if Jesus has given me a glimpse into His heart. Never before has the phrase "I feel your pain" meant so much. One might say that my empathy meter has gone berzerk. I can't even walk past someone, these days, without peeking into their very soul. Countless tears have been shed concerning people I don't know, for reasons I couldn't begin to explain. Their pain was written across their countenance and I felt it as if it were mine.

Concurrently, I have felt the love and joy of Christ. I can see His reflection in the eyes of his believers. My heart soars when I see His love and the faith of those who gather at His feet.

In all this, I find myself asking, 'How would Jesus handle this situation?' or 'Am I missing the mark? Are we entertaining angels and sloughing them off? Are we meeting the needs of God's people?' Ultimately, I'm asking, "Am I doing my job?" I can't answer that and I don't know what direction God is leading, exactly. I may not know for a very long time. What I do know is that God has a purpose for all of this. He is conditioning me for some race that is yet unseen. I just hope that I'm ready when the gun fires.

Compassion

My son, Logan has been blessed with the gift of compassion. It is evident every day. When his brother cries, he cries. He hates to see people in pain or sick. The other day Aric was sick. After getting sick in the bathroom, Aric sat down on the couch. Logan snuggled up to him and asked him if he was ok. Aric replied, “No, I’m sick”. Logan responded by stroking his arm. “I pet your arm and you feel better.”

Later that day I had to go to the store. Every item I put in the cart was carefully analyzed by Logan. He asked the question, “This help Daddy feel better?” Then He stated, “Logan need Daddy to feel better.” He told me, “Logan so worried bout cuz scared of Daddy be sick.” Translation: He was worried about Aric.

On the way home Gavin was making a plea to go see Papa Frank. It sounded something like, “ah guh go ca bye bye Papa Frank.” (If you live in our house very long, you learn to speak Martian.) Logan replied, “No Gavin. We haffa go home to Daddy not be sick. No Gray-m-pa Frank’s.” When we arrived at the house, Logan ran Aric’s medicine up to the bedroom. “Here Daddy, We got medicine bout so scared and you feel better.”

On one hand, I feel so proud of Logan and his compassion. On the other hand, I know that with compassion sometimes comes heartache. No mother wants to see their child endure that. However, I love that my son does everything he can to help you feel better. I love that he feels your pain when you cry, and worries when you are not well. I hope that as he grows he continues to nurture this gift. It truly is a gift.