My hero

On Sunday, we had to take Logan in for a sleep study. Logan was such a trooper.

I don't know how anyone could sleep with all of this stuff on them. Even seeing these pictures makes me want to cry. We have been practicing sleeping with the nasal canula all week, but no amount of practice could prepare him for this sort of torture. I had to hold him down while they attached the electrodes. He cried and trembled in fear. The worst was the look of betrayal that swept across his face. I could see the question written in his eyes, "Why are you letting him do this to me?"

I wanted to tell him that it was for his own good. I wanted to tell him that the doctor was just trying to help. He is two years and 7 months old. He wouldn't understand any of that logic. Instead, I tried to distract him and reassure him that everything was going to be ok. We sang the ABC song. Or rather, I sang it while Logan waled it. He loves the ABCs and is particularly fond of the ABC song. He didn't want to miss out on singing it, but at the same time, he wanted the world to know that he was in anquish. It's heartbreaking.

I hate seeing my son go through this. I often wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have a child who needed extra medical care. When people ask me how I do it, I usually tell them, 'you just do what you have to do and sort it out later.' I know the Lord never gives us more than we can handle, but I sometimes feel he's got me mixed up with someone else. Surely, he has this life set for someone else.

I try not to be discouraged. I try not to be ungrateful. I know it could be much worse. I guess, maybe, the many sleepless nights are starting to catch up with me. I feel a little worn out. When I start to feel run down, I just think of my son who is actually enduring all of this. He is my hero.