Pregnancy, Parenting, and Life

I haven't written anything in a while because, quite frankly, I have been too busy trying to cope with life to even think about it. Today marks 33 weeks and 6 days pregnant. If you'd have asked me at week 20, I would have thought that I would never make it this far. It is hard to believe that I have just over 6 weeks left. At least that is the timeline I have been given.

This pregnancy has been a bit of a whirlwind. Between running after my nearly 18 month old son, dealing with a dislocated pelvis, and being severely anemic, I really haven't had much time or energy to deal with anything else. As I etch closer to D day (delivery day), my fear and anxiety is starting to get to me a little. First there is the impending realization that we have yet to do anything to prepare for this baby. Ok, that's not fair, we did bring the baby clothes out of the garage and set them, still in their rubbermaid containers, in the baby's room. Second is the realization that not only will I be a mother, but I will be a mother to two boys. When I got pregnant, I was sure I wanted boys. They're easier, right? That's what everyone keeps telling me. In some ways I think this will be true. I won't have to go prom dress shopping. I won't have to be the main support or planner of my sons' weddings. I, hopefully, won't have the drama of my child yelling "you're ruining my life" at me when I put my foot down.

I think to myself, 'yes, this will be easier', and then reality strikes. First, boys equal rough energy. Already at his fresh age Logan emits this intoxicating, overwhelming, bubble of raw energy. It is not just perpetual motion I am talking about either, it is this rough and tumble gotta move, gotta pound, gotta explode energy. He is all boy. I am beginning to realize that no matter who you are or who (or what gender) your children are, parenting is never easy. There will always be those things that cause conflict, worry, and pain. On the other hand, there will be those moments of joy, heart warming, and laughter. Nothing warms the heart more than when your child makes it apparent that they want to be as close to you as possible and noone in the universe can be a subsitute.

All this being said, I am measuring 4 weeks early with this pregnancy and a small part of me hopes that this baby comes sooner rather than later. I can't wait to meet Mr. Gavin Eugene Angel and launch this journey together a little sooner.

Mundane

I have come here several times to write about life, but inevitably I get distracted by my friends' blogs. As I read their incredibly heartfelt and motivating words, my pen halts. I keep thinking, 'I have nothing filling my life right now that is incredible or motivating'. My days are spent battling morning sickness and fatigue, tending to my son (who, by the way, has been sick for 3 months now), juggling work and home, maintaining my marriage, and trying to find my to do list. I say that tongue in cheek. I feel secure in the fact that it is safely tucked under all of my unopened mail, which lies just beyond my son's ever stretching arms. Nevertheless, nothing spectacular, right? What a lousy attitude to have at Thanksgiving.

This year, as we approached the holidays, I was feeling a little blue. I was having a very hard time thinking about what I am thankful for. Then I thought, I have one of the most loving, encouraging, understanding, compassionate husbands in the world. He continually bends over backward to lend a helping hand. All day long he works with families that are broken, torn, and irrepairable. Does my husband come home with a heavy heart? No. He comes home holding me and my son a little tighter because he is grateful for the mundane. He appreciates the fact that there is nothing extravagant going on in our lives. Most of all, he appreciates that we are a team and we love eachother very much.

Let's not forget my wonderful son. Yes, there are times when he teaches me patience. Irregardless, that boy is a blessing. He is so inquisitive, loving and full of energy. He keeps me going even on the days where I just want to collapse. I feel an abundance of joy when I come home at the end of the day and he greets me with clapping and squeals.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that my life is incredible and motivating in its own way.